3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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