one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
