hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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