She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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