she woke up with a sticky ear
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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