I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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