I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
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