Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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