Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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