You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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