i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
