those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
