he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
