I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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