Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
