Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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