Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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