But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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