i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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