Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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