I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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