Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

Well... I doubt that.

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(859): I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them. (1-859): Well... I doubt that. http://tfl.nu/5uw1

Replies (25) Good night (1541) Bad night (863)
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(513): View more from Ohio

You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

(513): View more from Ohio

and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

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(513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p

Replies (21) Good night (5620) Bad night (1184)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am

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(250): They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am http://tfl.nu/0rv3

Replies (3) Good night (3350) Bad night (1271)
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(509): View more from Washington

I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

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(509): I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact. http://tfl.nu/tkeu

Replies (35) Good night (1300) Bad night (4094)
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(404): View more from Georgia

What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.

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(404): What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/w7nv

Replies (18) Good night (4687) Bad night (1312)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.

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(918): like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness. http://tfl.nu/c3xi

Replies (7) Good night (1473) Bad night (844)
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(205): View more from Alabama

It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...

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(205): It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march... http://tfl.nu/a1hh

Replies (11) Good night (823) Bad night (1319)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous

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(610): I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous http://tfl.nu/uqnx

Replies (3) Good night (548) Bad night (1200)
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(613): View more from Ontario

NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER

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(613): NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER http://tfl.nu/1x2h

Replies (10) Good night (528) Bad night (1380)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.

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(610): why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from? (484): question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA. http://tfl.nu/jqh5

Replies (2) Good night (1420) Bad night (566)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.

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(540): Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today. http://tfl.nu/qos3

Replies (3) Good night (565) Bad night (583)
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(316): View more from Kansas

Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.

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(316): Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running. http://tfl.nu/b6k8

Replies (6) Good night (1039) Bad night (531)
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(727): View more from Florida

After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"

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(727): After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer" http://tfl.nu/pzul

Replies (4) Good night (1205) Bad night (504)
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(334): View more from Alabama

You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.

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(334): You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink. http://tfl.nu/xadi

Replies (2) Good night (1089) Bad night (374)
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(477): View more from

I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me

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(477): I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me http://tfl.nu/o2l0

Replies (12) Good night (704) Bad night (398)

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