she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
