Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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