mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....