How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.