She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
