Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.