Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
