i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
