She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
