Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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