sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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