So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
