Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
