You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
