Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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