there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
