My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
