I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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