I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?