That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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