I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.