ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
I puked a lego.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your cock deserves a montage
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?