I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.