I'm really into asian looking animals
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse