whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
