Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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