We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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