Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
