I cockslap morals
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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