Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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