Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize