Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Someone came in the potted fern
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
