I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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