I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
