he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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