She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
