a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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