I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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