why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
