he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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