Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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