do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
