I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
