What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
