Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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