I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
