rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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