He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Who died my cat blue again?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
