the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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