I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Where is the hickey?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
