Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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