you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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