White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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