Porn is love you can see.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
