saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
