the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
