i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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