So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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