So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
