Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
