just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
