and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
