yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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